“Dialectical.” She stated.
“Di-a-WHAT-ical?” I asked, with a raised brow.
She explained to me, “Dialectical means that two truths can exist at the same time.”
Many of us have been taught to approach the world with a very “right or wrong”
“happy or sad” “positive or negative” “weak or strong” mentality.
We have mistakenly been told that our emotions, our thoughts and our experiences are either “right or wrong” and “good or bad.”
I am here to tell you, that is not how your, my, our brains operate.
You can have more than one emotion, emotions that are directly opposing one another, at same time.
You can have more than one thought, thoughts that are directly opposing one another, at the same time.
You can have more than one experience, including experiences that are directly opposing one another, at the same time.
Dialectical. Two truths can exist at the same time.
You can overflow with love for your children, and at the same time know that
if you spend one more minute with them you are going to lose your shit.
You can laugh and enjoy your sibling, and at the same time feel anger, disappointment and even sadness for their selfishness.
You can live in luxury while enjoying the finer things in life, and at the same time have compassion and support people who struggle with money.
It is not one or the other. It is both.
Yes, I have a new favorite word. Dialectical. Thank you, Shelley!
Earlier this week I was speaking with a client, Lauren, (name changed to protect the fabulous) who is feeling a range of emotions. She was expressing all the fear, grief and sadness that goes with a pandemic.
And then Lauren reluctantly told me that she was also feeling a bit guilty because on top of all the negative feelings, she was actually doing great. Business was growing and she had managed to figure out the homeschooling thing with some help from a family member. She even structured time for self-care which was often a challenge for her in “regular life'' much less a pandemic.
Dialectical. Two truths at the same moment.
In another coaching call, Carrie, (name changed to protect the fabulous) was telling me that she was feeling more tired than usual, and at times finds herself having anxiety about the dramatic negative impact of this virus on people. She personally is experiencing a number of close friends and family who have gotten sick and this is weighing on her emotionally.
And yet, Carrie confessed that she secretly loves the social-distancing.
This go go go go go business woman is enjoying sleeping in and getting caught
up on all those “someday” projects in her yoga pants.
Dialectical. Two truths at the same moment.
I understand how they feel. I have also been having the same underlying challenges of fear, grief and tiredness. And yet, I am delighting in having
my college age children home for an extended period of time.
I get to secretly listen to them in the other room or downstairs with their dad,
my husband laughing and plotting and discussing. That instead of wishing I was
a “fly on the wall,” in this moment of time I am actually the having the experience of the fly. And I am digging every moment of love, laughter and relatedness.
Dialectical. Two truths at the same moment.
When you understand dialectical thinking and apply it to your life it gives
you, me, we so much more power, freedom and peace with our emotions, thoughts and experiences.
We can dislike, even hate, that the reason that we are getting a break at this moment is because we are in the midst of a horrible pandemic. And we don't
have to apologize or feel guilty for loving the break that social isolation is creating.
We can dislike, even hate, that there are people on the front lines of this fight
who are sacrificing their family life to help people in need. And we don’t have
to apologize or feel guilty for the laughter, and love and joy we experience
as we interact with our family.
We can dislike, even hate, that this pandemic is ruining people and businesses financially. And we don't have to apologize or feel guilty for the growth in our
own business.
Dialectical. Two truths at the same moment.
There is power in understanding that two truths can live at the same time.
There is freedom in understanding that two truths can live at the same time.
There is peace in understanding that two truths can live at the same time.
When we can come to terms with the fact that two truths exist at the same time we don't have to make one wrong. We don't have to pick. We can boldly live with both.
We can address our feelings of fear, grief, tiredness straight on without denying our emotions, thoughts or experiences. And then we can create strategies that allow us to feel power, freedom and peace.
And at the same time, we can address our feelings of love, delight and abundance straight on and then we can create strategies that allow us to expand the feeling of power, freedom and peace.
Dialectical. Give it a shot. It might just become your new favorite word!
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