We can not change what we are not aware of… most of our obstacles are invisible. Awareness is Power!

This is one of my favorite quotes. Ever.

The wound is the place where the light enters you. ~Rumi

Throughout my 25 plus years of studying and teaching personal growth and transformation, I have come to understand that our past wounds are truly the place where the light shines so we can see our greater selves.

A while back, I started coaching Lauren. (Name changed to protect the fabulous) She had recently gotten hired in a high power academic leadership position.

Lauren felt more than confident in her ability to perform the job, and yet she recognized that she was having moments of self doubt that were causing her to feel stuck, stressed and to lose confidence in a variety of situations.

One of the assignments I gave Lauren was to investigate, observe and record, without judgment, any negative thoughts that she was thinking and any negative statements she was making about herself.

At our next coaching meeting she was to report back to me a list of her findings.

As Lauren reported her findings, it was clear that she felt a mixture of disappointment and anger toward herself.

As you can imagine, it is very difficult to keep out judgment, especially when we are not happy with what we find in the investigation.

Lauren said, “It feels like I am apologizing in almost every conversation, especially if I am delegating or making a request. I hate to say it, but I think I am doing it because I want people to like me.”

She went on to report that the apologizing didn’t stop in her conversations. She noticed the apology was present in almost every type of communication, including emails.

Lauren realized that her habit of apologizing was widespread. One day, after pushing the traffic light button to stop traffic so she could cross the street, she observed herself silently apologizing to the drivers for the inconvenience.

Here is the thing that I know about Lauren, she is by no means the exception in this situation.

I work with smart, busy, high achievers all week long. From mid-level managers to executives and I have every single one of my clients do the same exercise I assigned to Lauren.

Everyone, no exceptions, comes back with a list.

Everyone, no exceptions, is unhappy with the list… that is until they find out the power of the list.

Why is a list that is filled with negative thoughts and comments so powerful?

Because you can not change what you are not aware of.

It is that simple.

Awareness is power.

Just because you are not aware of what is happening with your thinking, doesn’t mean that your negative thoughts aren't controlling your actions and your outcomes.

You, just like Lauren previous to the exercise, are being held back by your unknown, uninvestigated thoughts and thinking.

Did you know that 80-95% or your thinking is subconscious thinking? The subconscious is the part of the mind which is not fully aware but which influences one's actions and feelings.

So if you are not aware of your thoughts, you have no access to changing your thinking.

Which means you have no access to changing your actions.

Which means you are going to end up doing the same thing over and over and over.

Which will give you the same results over and over and over.

Yep. It’s a vicious cycle.

When Lauren courageously looked at her thinking and found out she was apologizing in conversations, the awareness gave her the access to choosing to think and act differently.

We all have negative thoughts, behaviors and habits… wounds... from our childhood that linger into our adulthood that make us stuck, stressed and steal our confidence.

But when we take action, like Lauren, and are willing to look at our patterns of thinking and our habits of speaking, when we are willing to come to terms with the negative thoughts, that is when we allow ourselves to become our boldest, bravest self.

Lauren no longer has the pattern of apologizing when she speaks.

She has learned to step fully, powerfully and with pride into her leadership position.

Lauren’s new found confidence has resulted in a complete transformation of one of her largest departments. She has saved the university millions of dollars annually with this transformation. Additionally, she had an unexpected $20K salary increase and a promotion.

Plus, Lauren, reports a bonus side effect… She now feels more fully self-expressed and alive than she can ever remember. Not bad results for a little investigative work!!!

Don’t be afraid of your invisible obstacles. Let your light shine!